I struggled with writing this post, as I created this space not so long ago to share pretty pictures about style, life as a mom, and otherwise lighthearted content. But, the reality is that my world is currently turned upside down and right now I don’t know when, if ever, I will be back in that place. I am experiencing so many emotions and writing my thoughts down is something that I felt called to do.
Six days ago, while visiting family in Michigan and simultaneously escaping Harvey, I received a phone call late in the evening that my mom was being taken to the ER in Ft. Lauderdale, where she had been visiting my grandma. As it turned out, her symptoms were the result of a brain hemorrhage that ended up being incredibly severe. Before I even had time to process the information, she was sedated and intubated and taken to another facility that could perform the surgery needed to save her life.
My brothers and I got to Ft. Lauderdale as quickly as possible, and my plans were to be there as long as needed. However, mother nature had different plans, and with the threat of a potentially category 5 Irma looming in the not so distant future, we made the incredibly difficult decision to return home until the storm passed. At the time I left on Wednesday, it appeared Irma would be making landfall and directly hitting the Miami/Ft. Lauderdale area. The storm has recently taken a more westward shift, and while I am praising God for sparing that area from the worst of Irma, I am also sympathetic to those who are now more directly in her path.
So today, I am 1,170 miles away from my mom, who as of now is still unconscious and breathing with the help of a ventilator. I can say with absolute certainty that to walk away from her – when I know she would never leave me if the situation was reversed – is the worst thing I have ever had to do, and likely will ever do, in my life. But I also know if she were able to speak and comprehend what was happening, she wouldn’t let me stay – she would beg me to leave. I will be going back to be with her as soon as physically possible, but all I can do now is pray. Pray for God to shelter her from the storm. Pray for Him to heal her. Pray for Him to bring her comfort, and to know that she is not alone.
You’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with cinnamon rolls. Well, one of my mom’s favorite things to do is to get up “early” and go to breakfast with me and Olivia. We usually try to do this once a week and the place we go most often is Tiny’s No. 5, a place that happens to have the most amazing cinnamon rolls. We went here for breakfast 2 days before we left for our trips – ours to Michigan and hers to Ft. Lauderdale. She wanted to get a cinnamon roll, and I said no, which is not uncommon for me to do. My mom probably has the biggest sweet tooth out of anyone I have ever met, something she passed on to me and my younger brother, and something I try to keep in check. Had I known what the future would hold, I would have let her get the cinnamon roll.
Tomorrow is not promised for anyone. I would give anything for the chance to hear my mom’s voice again, to give her a hug, to tell her I love you, for her to tell me I am beautiful even when I look like a complete mess, to watch her play with Olivia who loves her Grammy so incredibly much. I am still clinging to hope that I will get to experience all of those things again. God performs miracles and if there is anyone deserving of one it is my mom. Right now, I can’t see the purpose in why this is happening, but I know that God has a plan and purpose for us all and that all things work together for His good. I just pray that He will show us His will for my mom.
So now I am asking for prayers for my mom. If you’ve been praying for her, thank you from the bottom of my heart and I ask that you please don’t stop. I also ask for prayers for my brothers and I as we are faced with making decisions that I never thought we would be making. I urge you to never miss the chance to answer a call from a loved one or friend, to hug someone and tell them you love them. And eat the cinnamon roll. Today that’s what I’m doing, and praying for the chance to get to do it again with my mom soon.